(How do you define “compassion”? Describe an instance of compassion you recall experiencing and explain how compassion was involved: Who would think the experience devoid of compassion and who wouldn’t? Why?)
Compassion. “Concern for the sufferings and misgivings of others.” That’s how the dictionary will more or less define the term. But I would argue that it’s much more than that, and that accepting the term as mere “concern” manifests opportunities to abuse others, particularly those who are suffering.
So What IS compassion if not a “concern”?
At its core, compassion is an ability—something almost all humans can do, to greater and lesser degrees. It is the ability to recognize not only the suffering in others, but the nature of that suffering, and to recognize it both intellectually and emotionally.
For instance, when I was nineteen and in college, I signed up to be a literacy tutor at the local volunteer association in Indianapolis. My first student was a boy named Michael. I recognized him immediately; he’d graduated from my high school the same year I did, but Michael was reading at the 3rd grade level.
When I met Michael I experienced compassion. As he introduced himself, I listened carefully and really tried to imagine in my mind—intellectually—what it would be like not to be able to read. Michael spoke of a deep desire to join the Army, of a deep disappointment at not being able to read well enough to take the exam to join up, and of a genuine drive to improve his skills so that he could pass that exam. Through listening carefully I was able to recognize how much not being able to read caused Michael to suffer.
But I didn’t just imagine his situation; I felt it. I felt a twinge of the disappointment of which he spoke. I didn’t just think “Oh that’s too bad”; I felt disappointment with him, and the drive for improvement.
This is a little different than imposing upon Michael the value of my own knowledge and experience. Just because I value reading and I think it can open doors to living more fully in ways most people can’t even imagine doesn’t mean Michael “should.” “Should”s shouldn’t have anything to do with Compassion. True Compassion is an ability to recognize suffering in another. It’s about the other, not the self.
So a truly compassionate act is one that acts to relieve the suffering of others, based on the sufferer’s perceptions and feelings and values, not on the observer’s perceptions, feelings and values.
I didn’t try to get Michael to read Shel Silverstein, even though I love his books. I worked with Michael on reading old Army entrance exams so that one day he might be able to pass the test and be recruited. Michael values joining the military. No matter my personal views of the military, I must help him achieve his own personal goals in order for my actions to be considered “compassionate.” So helping him pass the recruitment tests is in this way a compassionate act.
